12 January 2010

*Sob* Why was I surprised?

(Photograph copyright 2010, all rights reserved.)

So this morning, I was listening to NPR when the alarm went off, and thought I heard that one of the folks on my "Most Loathed Human Beings" list has actually been given a job at Fox News. I thought I was still dreaming, so I rolled over and closed my eyes. Then, while a certain cat was trying to persuade me that it was hungry'o'clock for real, I heard it again. Fox News has hired Sara Palin (forever to be referred to as "Wailin' Palin") to be a "commentator". I'm sure you all know it by now. If you don't, then take a look at this .

That's right, kids. What I THOUGHT I was hearing turned out to be nothing more than the truth! Wailin' Palin gets to be on TV ALL THE TIME, and she's being paid for it! I suppose I shouldn't be shocked. We all know she's a media hound who would do or say anything to get attention. Hell, she's even fighting with a 20-year-old kid who said nasty things about her, and that was from first-hand experience on his part! Instead of letting that go, she's on the warpath trying to keep him away from his own child. Idiots, all.

Then that moronic book came out, written by a ghost writer who was either trying to make her look stupid or just couldn't do any better given the material. She got a whole new media tour after that. In fact, the last time I mentioned that dreadful parody of a book, Google, in their infinite wisdom, chose to run an ad on this blog from some political organization who was giving it away for FREE! That's right. Hey, it's an automated service, what can I say? THEN I found out that it was on the New York Times Bestseller List because thousands and thousands of copies had been pre-ordered to give away. Sarah couldn't help but to make millions on that deal. After all, she got paid when the books were ordered. The fact that they were given away afterward had nothing to do with her.

I know. I shouldn't be shocked. We all know that there are a LOT of morons out there "commentating" on various news stations. I guess we should be grateful that she didn't get a job on a newspaper. Think of the poor copy editor trying to make sense of her "clever" pronouncements before a deadline! I can see it now: "The Sky Is Blue Because It Isn't Green" with Wailin' Palin's byline. (Probably I shouldn't have mentioned that last. I probably jinxed things and she WILL get a newspaper column now.)

Naturally the folks at NPR, unbiased as they try to be, interviewed someone who actually LIKES Wailin' Palin. Either that or someone from Fox who knows just what to say and keep her job. In any case, that person said that Palin is a "bubbly person" who "knows what she's talking about" and "speaks to many things that people find important." Something like that, anyway. There may be one or two people who actually think she's smart. If you're one of them, let me know. Remember I thought I was having a nightmare at the time.

Now, I don't think I've ever met anyone with a brain who takes Fox News seriously. They've become the mouthpiece of the Republimentalist Party, and have long since given up even the pretense of being a real news outlet. I can't remember the last time they even squawked when someone said that out loud to them. Years. It's been years. I guess that in a country that elected a failed actor with Alzheimer's disease whose main claim to fame was spending YEARS being upstaged by a chimp as President not once, but TWICE, anyone can do anything.

But lordy is this going to be FUN! I can hear the comedians now. The laughter. The mockery. I don't know how long this gig is going to last. I sincerely hope that Wailin' Palin keeps sounding as stupid as she has proven herself to be. At least that way, we don't have to worry about her trying to run for anything again. Her salary is rumored to be in the millions as well, so she'll probably stay there as long as they'll let her - and there are even rumors that she'll get her own show!

I'm feeling better now. I'm actually picturing her and Oprah fighting it out for ratings for the next year. *snicker*


  1. Photo: "It's the Headless Horseman, Charlie Brown!"

    I may be the only American on the planet who does NOT enjoy any of the Peanuts specials. No, not even the Christmas one. You read me!

    I am prepared for the onslaught.

    Meanwhile, I feel bad for Tina Fey. She threatened to move off the planet if McCain/Palin were elected, and now this may even be worse for her! You know that SNL will try to write sketch after sketch about this, and drag that poor woman through Hell! I speak of Tina, of course.

  2. I'm actually happy with this news (provided they let her talk unscripted). I don't watch FOXNews, so that part doesn't hurt me, and, if they let her run her mouth, on television, no less, it's going to be like bountiful harvest for Democratic campaigners.

    I will say right now that if Palin's ever elected, we (as in the U.S. as a whole, not us, individually) will get *exactly* what we deserve with that asshat decision.

  3. Silly Messy. This isn't a nightmare, doll. It's a dream come true. A DREAM, I tell you.

    There are people all over this country who, for whatever reason, have denounced their own party (the GOP) in favor of a new, funnier, anti-intellectual, elliptical ass-fuck of a party called...um...the GOP.

    Little Sarah, the empowered, bubbly, straight-talkin' Anacephalic Alaskan Asswipe straight out of Heaven's very gates, the child of God herself who speaks to the hearts of "real Americans", is the newest Fox (not just Fox News, doll: I meant "Fox, as in News Corp.) poster child for their drive to dollar signs. She'll suck Rupert's saggy and shriveled old schwazoli until another dollar drips out or her knees get sore. When she's done, Glenn, Sean, Bill, and the rest of the News Corp kiddies will drop hungrily to their knees and fight for the next ejaculation of Murdoch money, and right behind is Simon Cowell and Ellen and Maury and a host of other media prostitutes gagging for a bigger slice of everyone's favorite Australian's fat tax write-off of a purse.

    We need little Sarah out there working it, too. She's a train wreck in constant motion in her McCain-funded Jimmy Chu's (yeah, I know she said she gave it all back, but still), and the real world loves a failure 'cause they make great heroes...until they fail so completely and spectacularly their erstwhile fans denounce them...and then they're just more fuel for the political fireplace, and the higher the flames, the better the show until they sizzle and fizzle and sputter and spall and the whole goddamn mess comes crashing down in a pile of greasy sickening gray whimpering ashes...

    ...leaving far better folk to fight over who gets to be the next phoenix in the White House.

  4. BTW - that headless Charlie Brown pic is simply awesome. It just screams "rats!"

  5. Guys, when I told The Boy about this post, he declared that Wailin' Palin on the news was good for at LEAST four laughs a day for the entire time they pay her to be there. Better yet, the average Fox viewer is going to take her SERIOUSLY, so there will be enough ancillary laughs for whoever wants them!

    The photo is as stands. That is, I didn't set it up. The headless Brown kid was sitting on that framework outside a building under renovation for days. I have no idea who put it there, and I have no idea why it sat there for so long. I just snapped the photo.

  6. As for the headless Brown kid, I'm pretty sure that it was meant as a warning to other kids who might get any ideas about stealing construction supplies. And they got the message. Oh, did they get the message!

  7. Hi Messy, I too got inspired by Wailin'Palin this week as you might see from my post about amnesia...

    Just when you think you've heard the most outrageous idiotic nonsense from her, you'll hear something even more incredible (in the old sense of incredible). She'll fit right in with the Fox crowd...

    Charlie Brown lost his head! He must have been thinking about that little red head girl... though I like Smag's interpretation the best!

  8. Hi Kati! I read your post - brilliant. I'm just not creative enough for poetry, I'm afraid. As for Palin and her whole sorry clan, we're talking comedy gold here.

    Here are some predictions:

    1. The Custody Battle. No way in hell is Bristol going to get sole custody. In fact, given that Mommy is funding her life and therefore she has more income that poor Levi, SHE'S going to end up paying support.

    2. Someone is going to find out that Sarah's Down's Syndrome affected baby is being kept in one of Granny's outbuildings because Wailin' Pailin doesn't want the world to know that ALL of her kids are smarter than she is. Also, he's going to be too difficult to potty train and won't ever simper on command when hauled out onto a stage.

    3. After about her third paycheck from Fox, her husband is going to file for divorce and a hefty settlement. All he needs is a sharp lawyer (they're a dime a dozen in divorce-land) to show that he had to give up his "career" as an "athlete" for her political ambitions and it's payday, baby!

    4. Wailin' Pailin will play the wronged wife. She'll sob and howl and create her own press leaks about how he "abused" her (by asking her not to fly when she was actually in labor) and no doubt pay some little snow bunnies to say they slept with him. She'll lose.

    5. Throughout all of this, Fox will be spinning the "wronged career woman" story in all its reports. Palin will wallow in the sympathy and pretend to play the part of the strong divorcee.....

    6. THEN....she's going to start weaseling around to be someone's running mate again. The GOP, desperate for anyone with boobs (anyone non-male with boobs - have you seen some of those guys?), may actually consider her for eleven seconds or so. Until her press clips start airing.

    7. Wailin' Palin with then be tapped by Fox to comment frequently on the next election and we'll all have to listen to a re-hash of what SHE would have done.

    8. I'm flying blind here. It's too far in the future. The cards are hazy.


  9. If you're a liberal Democrat, you should be cheering for this move. Spend two years watching her make an utter fool of herself on national television and tell me she's not the best possible scenario for Barack Obama's re-election campaign? If your #6 prediction comes to pass (and I think it will---the Republican National Committee IS that stupid!), then right-leaning voters like me will either stay home or vote for Obama again (never mind that the inevitable return of the economy will mean a likely nascent boom by Nov. 2012).

    Quoth Lincoln: "Better to keep one's mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it and remove all doubt."

  10. I still feel bad for Tina Fey. She will suffer most of all.

    Y'all should check the embedded video in this article. It's informative.

    I think that Snoopy got sick of having to bang on Brown's door and do his little dance to beg for food. He has machine guns in his doghouse, right? Imaginary WWI battles, my ass!

  11. The funny thing is that the outrageous headlines the tabloids put out and that we of course read while checking out at the grocery store are becoming tamer than reality.

    Not too long ago there was a headline: "Sarah throws her wedding ring in lake Louise" --so you're not alone in predicting the future.

    I also realized sometime last summer that a number of people are actually taking tabloid's headlines seriously. I mean, the whole "death panels" etc thing did sound like some sort of wacky tabloid story akin to the old stand by: "Woman gives birth to seven rabbits"

    About that poor headless Charlie Brown: Marc has posted a pretty weird picture of his head/s floating around (I assume it's his head?). Well perhaps that head was looking for a body and it occurred to me it might be pretty funny to photoshop Marc's head to Charlie Brown's body?

  12. Kati - I'm fairly sure that if Wailin' Palin tosses her ring into Lake Louise the lake will spit it back out. Canada has enough political-ish whack jobs without adding the Alaskan Idiot to the mix.

    As for supermarket tabloids....am I the only one that misses the Weekly World News? I know it's online now, but they had the BEST fictional stories of anyone out there. I remember "I Gave Birth to Seventeen Rabbits", and then there was the Bat Boy... They had a disclaimer in the masthead that told the world that the whole paper was for entertainment and that nothing in there was true, but I was always astounded at the people who believed every word.

    Maybe that's the same section of the general public that thinks Wailin' Palin could lead her way out of a paper bag!

  13. She only did it to bug you. It's true! Walin has made it her life's mission to mess up Messy's sanity.

  14. Hey Dicey...Sadly my sanity has been in question for a whole lot longer than Wailin' Palin has been on the scene! However, I'm looking forward to the mocking. It'll be a feeding frenzy - every word the woman says is just another bucket of chum in the ocean.

  15. Ah, Sarah Palin...at what moment in time did she look like a viable candidate to be in a position where she could be a World Leader should something happen to cause her to move up in the line of succession? When, who? Who? Who could, who would, who did, see her as such? I am constantly and continually amazed at political choices? In what time warp are we living right now,this as never before, feels like the Twilight Zone? The United States is really off track if she is the best someone can come up with as a viable candidate.
    My beloved neighbor who is in his 80's said something about her and out of my mouth fell the statement...she's dumber than a rock...needless to say this statement fell out rather easily as I am incredulous when I actually hear someone thinks she's all that and more! He was startled as well to hear that as a woman I felt she did not represent my thinking at all, nor of any women I knew. Certainly there are 100's of better candidates!
    I have many issues with Palin. As a woman I find it hard to think that Palin promoting sexual abstinence as a form of birth control while standing next to her pregnant teen shows any wisdom? At what point will this woman admit abstinence is not working and change to something that does work? She fails on this issue, how can she not fail at more important issues? World leader? Mind blowing!
    I watched a full seven minutes of Palin with some talking head on FOX, seven minutes was all I could do. She will not last long, she hasn't the vocabulary nor the thought process to be entertaining or engaging on any level.
    I look forward to a time when she becomes a faint memory, for the time when Tina Fey is the last of that bit of news we hear about Palin. Because if she rises in the political ranks, for me it's a sign of hopelessness, and a very dim future for all.